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Balancing service, enlightenment, and fantasy

I love the beautiful affirmation I read in a book recently, “Beloved, I am here. Use me as Your instrument.” (Gloria Karpsinski, Barefoot on Holy Ground) My little prayer most recent mornings has been similar– along the lines of, “Please, Divine Spirit, help me connect with my purpose today.” Well, those words, in and of themselves,  are all well and good. Except that what that translates to in my head is, “show me the steps that will lead me to the contacts to my dream job (right now, today, please)—a position in the media, either writing or with my ministry, where I create and spread messages of hope, optimism, and the evolution of spiritual consciousness, thus providing an invaluable service to the mass public. And, while You’re at it, let it please be a position that I masterfully embody while wearing classic but contemporary sheath dresses and 3 inch heels,  and that accords me a tremendous salary, the opportunity for frequent travel, and that enables me to come home in the evenings, (when I’m in town) to a perfectly cheerful baby and husband who are delighted to see me and grateful to have a mom/wife of such poise, balance, and positive energy.”

One of the examples of Burnout offered in the same book reference above is “Fantasizing another Lifestyle.”

My greatest challenge at the moment, I suppose, is to reign in all the spiraling tasks bundled in my brain and to truly be mindful — to represent that poise, balance, and positive energy with my husband and baby here, right here and right now.

Sometimes, perhaps, it’s just about moving forward through anything and everything with conscious diligence. But “spiritual” discipline without limits or adequate direction, I think, becomes compulsion.

Which can lead to scenarios like this: “Shut up and leave me alone, I’m doing my prayers!”

I think my spiritual direction has launched me into an inadvertent game of twister. My husband, baby, and I have just relocated. As my new physical location came into view, the other areas of focus—body, mind, spirit, career, and creative, were all knocked askew. While I can clearly see my new surroundings, what lies ahead has gone dark.

Also, lately, my mind has been bustling with so much activity that it hasn’t even had the space to know with what it is concerned. If you ask me why I hurry about all day, I am likely to say, “I have no idea.” Yes, I’ve been like the little battery bunny– right here, spinning in circles, banging my drum, and I haven’t stopped for a minute.

Apparently, busy-ness is contagious. When my two year old is occupying himself with something he seems to be aware is probably not something mother would condone and I ask him what he’s doing, he looks up with a mischievous air and calmly tells me, “I’m just busy.”

I think there is a way to incorporate the dream job and the challenge of mindfulness and spiritual evolution in my current roles as wifey and mommy. Maybe I am fantasizing again. No, let me reframe that. I am mindfully setting my intention in a new way and claiming, with consciousness, this state of the moment. I am a writer, a minister and a speaker, and I do spread optimistic messages of higher consciousness: messages about being in the moment, messages about finding balance, messages about fully claiming yourself–even your raw, ragged, snapping-during-your prayers self. They are messages about spiritual transformation while kicking, screaming, and pounding a little drum.

Rev. Dawn Smith-Camacho is an Interfaith Minister, and the founder of Spiritlist.com. www.seventhsenseproductions.com.

There are some people who seem to glide through life’s obstacles with limitless grace. I am not one of them. On my quest for spiritual progress, I have had momentary brushes with serenity, glimpses of poise and balance. During one of these brief episodes, for example when I have listened attentively to a friend in need, or caught myself before reacting with anger at an old trigger, I have found myself thinking things like, “Gosh, I wish everyone could witness me being so selfless and humble!”

So sometimes my greatest inspiration comes not from the beatific gurus who walk on fire or the majestic heroes championing nonviolence, but from everyday individuals who find themselves in unexpected situations, reacting with grace and ease. The instances that have most inspired me generally happen unceremoniously, through commonplace words or deeds, that are not proclaimed to the world or flashed in the headlines, but that nevertheless have a deep, profound impact on others. I think of these as instances of “POWER, softly” and they drive me to be better. Recently, I was moved by one such example.

Tom’s Story:

When Tom arrived late to his Foundations course at the Church of Truth in Pasadena, he hadn’t missed a thing. His classmates had a feeling he would be coming, and so they waited. When he arrived, he shared with the group that his wallet had disappeared. It contained $400, a significant amount, for Tom. An amount that Tom later told me losing had “hurt, for sure.” Rather than bemoan the loss, a plan was hatched. The course program for the day was put aside and Nicole, a minister with the church and the class facilitator, suggested that the group pray and that the money be released, fully, and with love. The intention was set that this money would be returned to Tom in some way, or that it would be put to the best and highest possible use of whomever should receive it. I asked Tom if he was really able to do this, to “release with love”, and he told me he was: “Right away, I let it go… It’s out of my hands. I’m not going to sit here and drive myself crazy over it.”

Three months following the incident, Tom received a letter, which Reverend Nicole reads to our congregation. Tom’s wallet had been brought to the police and returned to him, but empty of the cash. The woman who had found Tom’s wallet, and had brought it to the police, wrote of her experience. She had reluctantly kept the money and had spoken with her own Pastor about her quandary. Her husband had recently left the state, leaving her with two young children and no child support. The money not only paid off her late rent, but provided sufficient funds to purchase the bike her little boy had wanted for so long. In the letter to Tom, that woman wrote that now her son cannot sleep at night—he is too excited for it to be morning again so that he can ride around on his new bicycle.

Tom shared with me that he felt he brought this situation, and similar ones, upon himself. “It kind of put a fork in my road for a minute,” he explained. “These are decisions that almost had to be made. But these are decisions I never would have chosen for myself.” I found it fascinating that Tom simultaneously took such clear accountability for his role in the situation, but also spoke of the role of the divine in the process that transpired. When I told him so, he referred to this time as a “physical ass-whupping with a spiritual dimension to it… [now] I’m seeing the higher wisdom involved in the plan.”

The quiet power of this story nearly overwhelmed me with its strength—the power of prayer, the power of energy, the power of release, forgiveness, and letting go—the power of making difficult decisions, the power of seeking spiritual advice, and then, ultimately, the power of believing in yourself. As for Tom? “I survived it,” he told me, “ so I guess I’ve passed through this initiation.”